Barefootin' Mama in the Middle of Nowhere

But I was on Birth Control!

There was no doubt in my mind whose it was.  Other people would likely speculate and wonder but I knew.  My boyfriend and I had stopped sleeping together long before my new boyfriend and I had begun so there was no question there.  The only real question was… HOW DID THIS HAPPEN!?!  I had been on birth control since the ripe old age of fifteen and was practically religious about taking that stupid little pill.  The stupid little pill that didn’t apparently do ANYTHING!! They say you have a 99.6% chance of NOT getting pregnant on that stupid little pill… well, let me tell you, my bags were packed and I was headed to vegas!  With those kind of odds I was sure to come home a millionaire.  That, or get struck by lightning.  

My sister was surprisingly understanding.  So was Paul…. oddly enough considering the first time he had uttered the words he loved me was two nights before I found out I was going to be having his child.  “Uhhh honey, remember when you said you loved me? Did you mean it? I sure as hell hope so because you are stuck with me now!”

Other than apparently not understanding the laws of probability I realized I was faced with another relatively serious problem.  How were we going to hide this from people until we were ready to tell them?? God I needed a drink! Actually, check that, booze is likely what got me into this situation in the first place.  Let’s see there was grad, then new year’s eve, then a few curling bonspiels.  I am sure I drank a small town or two dry somewhere in between the end of December and getting pregnant….. sure hope that little cricket in there was going to come out with all its fingers and toes.  But drinking… SIGH… everyone was going to know I was knocked up when I didn’t toss a couple back at the nightly parties, get togethers and just plain old hang outs.  DAMN… and not only that but how was I going to get through the stress of this fatness and sucking that all preggo women go through without a beer?? Man… I hadn’t gone a day without a beer in so long I can’t even remember and now I was suppose to go nine months… oh, ten months actually my handy dandy know it all nurse best friend informs me.  SON OF A BISCUIT life was about to get sober and in a real hurry!!

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