Barefootin' Mama in the Middle of Nowhere

Friends or Not

Have you ever had to be friends with someone because it was convenient? That and your boyfriend at the time asked you to be nice to his cousin’s crazy girlfriend because she was having a really tough time adjusting to her new life and that was making his cousin have a tough time adjusting and therefore your boyfriend was cranky and therefore… well, you get the picture. I had one of those friends. HAD being the key word in that sentence.
You see, she was marrying my old boyfriend’s cousin (this is pre Paul, prepregnany and everything) and since she was kinda CRAZY she didn’t have alot of friends. So, lucky me, I got nominated to be her friend. And since the only few friends she had lived in different provinces than her she asked me to be her bridesmaid also. I will never know if she asked me because she genuinely liked me or because she thought I was bossy and would be able to help her get shit done since we lived in the same town. WHo cares I guess… the point is.. I was going to be a bridesmaid for the first time ever for some girl I didn’t even like. (trust me I will get to why this story has anything to do with my pregnancy in a moment)…
So we went dress shopping. Actually, scrap that.. her sister picked out a dress she wanted and then we all had to have dresses that matched. So let me paint a picture for you. I was not a small person… not a large one either… but not supermodel skinny or anything. Probably about a size 10. So here is the dress…. definitely made for supermodel skinny… it was burnt orange taffeta with crinoline under the skirt to give it a really good poof… strapless and above the knee… if you are picturing me looking awful in this… please continue.
NOw as a pregnant bridesmaid it is my job to tell the bride so that she is prepared for the whale that will walk down her aisle. I called the girl up and told her ‘if you don’t want me in your wedding anymore because I am pregnant I will understand’… because seriously.. this dress was going to look AWFUL on me when I was a size 10 regular girl… can you imagine it on a size 10 seven and half months pregnant chick?? Ummmm no thank you. Not to mention the fact that my ex boyfriend would also be in the wedding party and so would ensue the many many hours of awkward moments and stares of hatred as I walked down the aisle carrying someone else’s baby swaddled in burnt orange taffeta…. I was giving Laurel an out… because I wasn’t so sure that I wanted to go through that.
However, much to my dismay… Laurel assured me that my pregnancy didn’t bother her one bit!! And that I would have to find a seamstress to alter my already $300 dress (which I had to shell out) to fit over my soon to be giganto belly so that I could still match on that glorious day. And so off I went to work looking for someone who was willing to undertake such a momentous task. Finally I found a lady crazy enough to say she would do it… for a small fortune nonetheless!
Happy that I had found an answer to my friend’s prayers I called her up to tell her the good news!! My dress was dropped off at the seamstress and I would be getting it altered shortly! That is when Laurel decided to let me in on a little secret… oops did she forget to mention… the other bridesmaids kicked me out of the wedding party! They felt that it would be slightly on the awkward side of things (no shit)…. because I was an unwed pregnant girl… WHAT?!?!?!?! It wouldn’t be awkward because my long time boyfriend would be also in the wedding party… it wouldn’t be awkward because I would look like a blown up taffeta balloon… it wouldn’t even be awkward because I knew how to have fun and the remaining bridesmaids (with the exception of the sister) thought a good time on a Friday night was stepping on the gas when the light turned yellow instead of stopping like usual… it would be awkward for them because I wasn’t married and I was pregnant. And I thought that the 1950s were only alive and well in the head of Paul’s dad…. guess not.
Immediately I was so mad I could hardly breathe. I had never had my feelings hurt before quite like that. I was being punished my girls who weren’t smart enough to believe in things like birth control because it is considered a sin… for having a baby with the love of my life… who were they to judge… and who was Laurel to go along with it. I hung up on her and cried the rest of the drive home… Until I realized that now I wouldn’t have to dress up in that horrible costume and look like a crazy whale.. at the low low cost of $1000… sometimes being pregnant had its advantages!!

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2 responses

  1. Jessie

    You are fantastic! I check this every day, all excited for the next post. Does the picture on the banner mean you are having another girl? Miss you! PS thanks for the name check two posts ago, I still feel bad every now and then for being a heinous bitch that day!

    January 23, 2010 at 4:51 PM

    • pioneermama

      no you weren’t a bitch.. you were just you… and I love you for that!

      January 23, 2010 at 8:45 PM

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