Barefootin' Mama in the Middle of Nowhere

Worst Phone Call Ever!!!

*ring ring*

Me: Hello

Paul’s Dad: Hi

Me: Hi

…….silence…..

me: Ummm it’s your turn to talk now.. hahaha

PD: I know (sound of voice cracking).. your husband isn’t in very good shape

Me: Why? What happened?

PD: I have told him THOUSANDS of times… not to gallop full speed across the pasture… THOUSANDS of times…

Me: Uh huh…

silence

Me: You have to keep talking

PD: I know (crying) but he’s my baby boy

** I know what you are thinking…. he’s dead… that’s what I was thinking…. Spoiler alert… he’s not dead… only cause I couldn’t do that to you**

PD: I guess I am just a big baby when it comes to my boy

Me: Where is he??

PD: Laying out in the pasture

** TIME OUT… ALONE?!?!?!? What pasture? Laying how? Is he breathing? Is he talking? Is he alive? Is someone there holding his hand? Why aren’t you out there with him????**

Me: Uh huh… what happened?

** I realize I sound like a crazy, cold hearted bitch… my father in law is crying because something has happened to his boy that has caused him to be laying out in the pasture and I am being calm… but I have to be… or else my world will fall apart…**

PD: They were… the cows were going back… Paul raced to get to the gate to help Chuck and Hank (the horse) stepped in a hole… they went down and did a summersault… Hank went over top of Paul. He’s in alot of pain. He’s just moaning occasionally… we’ve called the ambulance and they are on their way.  It’s not life threatening we don’t think but we are pretty sure it’s his neck and back.   Someone is going to have to go into the hospital with him. Chester is there now.

** Note… Paul’s friend’s sister died in an accident just like this a few years ago… it’s a big deal**

PD: You call his mom and tell her what happened and then get to the hospital as fast as you can. I have to go… someone has to get the ambulance out to him.

click

** WHOA……. breathe… breathe… breathe…. Are you still breathing???  Get in the car and go…  oh yeah… kids… take the kids… you have to remember the kids… pack up the diaper bag… Emmet will need diapers… and Levynn will need some food…’ It’s okay Levynn… mommy is okay’… as long as she remembers to keep on breathing.. carseats… do the kids need carseats?? They aren’t in the car…. they aren’t even put together… WHO THE FUCK DECIDES TO WASH THE CARSEAT COVERS?!?!?!?! THis is going to slow me down by at least half an hour…. SNaps??!?!?!? Who put these freaking snaps on these car seat covers… they don’t even work… AGH!!!!!!!!!! Levynn doesn’t need a carseat… I will just drop her off at someone’s house close by… WAIT… snap out of it… of course your children need carseats… BREATHE…. purse… cell phone… practically dead cell phone.. SON OF A BITCH…. practically dead cell phone with a car charger that won’t work… DOUBLE FACK!!! ‘Come on Levynn lets go and see grandma and your cousins… HOORAY!!’ Drive… put the car in drive… don’t speed…. ‘it’s okay, it’s okay, it’s okay it’s okay, it’s okay itsokayitsokayitsokay…. where is all this water coming from???’ **

LEvynn: ‘tay mommy?

** I am crying.. I don’t even realize it… I am terrified… Paul is going to be paralyzed… what will we do?? It will be so hard… what if he slips into a coma… I need to get there while he is still awake… I think I am going to have a heart attack… or faint… I don’t think I can breathe… oh god… I forgot to breathe… I am going to die.. our children will be parentless… Breathe breathe breathe breathe… he’s okayhesokayhesokayhesokay… breathe breathe breathe….**

I get out my phone… I phone Chenielle… a girl who I was best friends with for all life… whom hasn’t talked to me since my wedding (different story)… she’s a nurse… she will calm my fears…

Voicemail… DAMMIT

Me: Hey… I know you haven’t returned any of my calls in months.. and months… and months… but Paul has had a bad fall… I don’t know if he’s okay… they think it’s his neck and back… I’m on my way to the hospital… if you were ever to call me back…. now would be a good time… I need a friend…

** Spoiler alert…. she never calls back…. ever… to this very day…**

Text and then phone BEBE… he will calm me down… always does…. it works…

BB: Keep your imagination in check… don’t think the worst…

** remainder of the drive… I repeat out loud… he’s okay he’s okay he’s okay.. my kids sleep… thank god… i forgot I had kids…**

Talk to Paul’s mom and sister and fill them in (with alot less drama… downplay the situation)… they meet me at the hospital… I leave my kids in the car for them to get out and run inside down the hallway… he’s okay he’s okay he’s okay….. round the corner and he’s sitting up in the hospital bed grimmacing in pain… he smiles as best he can

Paul: Hey

Me: *sigh of relief*… don’t ever do that again

** I think I am going puke with relief…. now where  is that father-in-law of mine… I am going to punch him in the face!!!!!!!!!!!!! Seriously… if he came in the ambulance… there will be yelling…. he;s not around… thank god… I kiss my husband and hide my face so he doesn’t see my tears…**

Me: I’m going to fill your mom in on your status… be right back….. *walking down the hallway* he’s okay…. oh thank goodness… he’s okay…

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