So I have spent the last two days on a horse…. it’s been
fairly awesome fantastic ( I am trying to be more positive in my life). So on that more positive note I won’t even mention the fact that I have been riding my brother-in-law’s annoying horse because mine is in the shop. Or that my father-in-law and his “constructive criticism” and his “vast knowledge base” has taken me to the point of no return and back!
BUT I will tell you all about the beautiful meadowlarks that I get to listen to. I do not think there are enough words to describe the beauty of the song of the meadowlark. Or the smell of the flowers as they are in full bloom: sweet clover, canola, alfalfa, sage… Do yourself a favor… close your eyes… take a deep, deep breath… what did you smell? I hope you were lucky enough to be able to experience a pasture (native preferably) on your inhale because believe me… it’s fantastic.
Days like yesterday and today are days that help me remember why I married a rancher in the first place. Why I wanted so desperately to raise my children out in nature surrounded by animals and good husbandry of both the land and the livestock. TOday Paul’s grandparents were visiting and we were having a break from the 32degree weather under a shade tree. His dad says to me “wouldn’t it have been easier to have married a lawyer?” And then his grandma says “yes, you could have married a teacher and he would have 144 days off a year” and I looked at her and smiled and said “yeah, but if I had married a teacher I wouldn’t have gotten to marry Paul.”
I can’t wait until tomorrow… I love this job!
I am quite certain I made this EXACT face today (except that mine was a girl’s version and my nostrils aren’t quite so wide… I don’t think… perhaps next time I should look in the mirror while I make this face)… You can’t honestly sit there and try to pretend that you haven’t made this face at least ONCE in your life. Seriously… quit lying to yourself… you have. It was probably at your husband. Well, in my case it was at mine.. or rather… about him, as he was not here when I made the face. Hence why I made the face in the first place.
I sit here as a mother to a boy… a boy who I VOW not to let turn into his father… dirty clothes on the bedroom floor.. beer cans on the coffee table… grumbling about helping with household chores…. I, like ALL those mothers before me, vow to not let this happen. I WILL teach my son to clean up after himself. To help with laundry and child rearing… to encourage his future wife to have guiltless free-time and to never, ever, ever say things like “it’s good, but my mother’s is better”. I VOW to ensure he does all the little things to make his wife feel special and pretty and more important than “Greatest Tank Battles” on TV.
I sit here as a wife wondering where that man escapes to? Where does the little boy whose mother worked so hard to train to say excuse me after he belches and to not lick his plate clean go to learn all those habits back?? What place on this earth completely erases all the hard work a mother puts into her son and turns him into a man? A disgusting, beer drinking (do not for one second think I do not like beer… because I LOVE beer… in fact, I even like to belch while drinking beer (in private of course) but I do not like the leaving around of the empty beer containers), dirty clothes abandoning, muddy boots on in the kitchen, man. And when is it okay for me to start counting to three and threatening my husband that I will throw his dirty clothes and boots outside in a mud puddle if he doesn’t clean up after himself?
Because I would much rather make this face all day long than the above one.
I went to the movie last night. “Eat Pray Love” a movie starring Julia Roberts (whom I have a secret… or not so secret… crush on).. based on the novel “Eat Pray Love” by Elizabeth Gilbert. LOVED it!! which only makes sense as I loved the book with all my heart and soul!! It made me want to get divorced, sell all my possessions and run away to places like India and participate in an Indian wedding, then learn how to meditate and stay in a house with no windows and doors…. Wow…. okay, not really… I don’t actually want to divorce my husband… but you know what I mean.
The movie just made me think… about myself… and my life… and where I thought I was headed but where I am actually going now… I’ve changed alot in my life…. my friends say “you’re not the same person” and I argue that I am. But am I?? Or have I grown out of my old skin and become something/someone entirely different?? What is the definition of me?
What is the definition of you? Tell me people…. do you think you have shed your old skin and become someone entirely different??? Or you just some slightly changed version of yourself? Do people change?